Navigating Relationship Advice as a Polyamorous Person: Finding Your Support Network
Being polyamorous is a long-term process and journey that includes incredible rewards and at times is fraught with challenges that don’t offer easy solutions. One of the most significant challenges we face is finding reliable sources of advice and support when things get tricky in our relationships. As someone who identifies as both a therapist and life coach to polyam people, and a polyamorous individual, I hope to provide some helpful guidance for polyamorous folks on how to discern between monogamous folks who can offer helpful advice and those who might not be the best fit for your unique situation.
1. Seek Advice from Those Who Respect Your Choices
Resource: Podcast/Blog: Non-Monogamy Help
For newly minted polyamorous folks and those experienced in polyam, it's crucial to seek guidance from individuals and resources that respect your choices without judgment. Non-Monogamy Help, available both as a podcast and a blog, offers a treasure trove of advice and personal stories. The creator, Liz Powell—a psychologist specializing in non-monogamous relationships—provides valuable insights and empathetic support. Her content is relatable and approachable, making it a fantastic resource for many folks. Through Liz's guidance, you can feel more confident and supported in your journey while discovering your own level of experience and comfort within the polyamorous community.
2. Be Cautious with Friends Who Mean Well but Don't Understand
Resource: Podcast - Multiamory
It's common for well-meaning monogamous friends to offer advice based on their own experiences. Proceed with caution. While their intentions may be pure, their advice might not always be suitable for your situation. In fact, it may be mired in the assumption that monogamy is the only way to successfully practice relationships. Their advice may want to be taken lightly.
The Multiamory podcast can be a great resource instead of (in addition to) turning to your monogamous buddies. The hosts, Dedeker Winston, Emily Matlack, and Jase Lindgren, are experienced polyamorists who discuss various relationship dynamics, offer practical tips, and share their own personal experiences. Listening to their insights can help you feel less isolated and more understood.
3. Look for Open-Minded Professionals
Resource: Book: Polysecure
I cannot speak highly enough about "Polysecure: Attachment, Trauma, and Consensual Nonmonogamy" by Jessica Fern. This book is a game-changer for anyone seeking professional guidance on polyamory. Jessica Fern, a licensed psychotherapist, brilliantly explores the intersection of attachment theory, trauma, and consensual non-monogamy. Her open-minded and empathetic approach helps readers and clients understand the psychological aspects of polyamory deeply. It's a must-read for both therapists looking to better support polyamorous clients and individuals seeking therapy within the context of non-monogamous relationships. With Jessica's book as your guide, you'll not only gain a deeper understanding of your own dynamics but also find professionals who can provide the meaningful support you deserve on your polyamorous journey.
4. Surround Yourself with a Supportive Community
Building a supportive polyamorous community can be super beneficial for navigating the ups and downs of non-monogamous relationships. Here are several ways polyamorous individuals can find peer support:
Local Polyamory Meetups: Many cities have local polyamory or non-monogamy meetup groups where you can meet others, share experiences, and offer mutual support.
Online Forums: Joining online forums and discussion boards like Reddit's r/polyamory or FetLife's polyamory groups can connect you with people from around the world who share their insights and experiences.
Social Media: Platforms like Facebook and Instagram have polyamorous communities where you can engage in discussions, follow influencers, and find events or groups specific to your location.
Polyamory Conferences and Workshops: Attend polyamory conferences, workshops, and events, such as Loving More's annual conference or local polyamory workshops, to meet others and learn from experts in the field.
Book Clubs: Join a polyamory-themed book club or discussion group to engage in meaningful conversations and build connections with fellow readers.
Supportive Friends: Foster connections with polyamorous friends who understand your journey and can provide emotional support when needed.
5. Embrace the Complexity and Challenge Monogamous Assumptions
Polyamory isn't for everyone, and that's perfectly okay. Remember: there is no one-size-fits-all relationship model. Just as polyamory may not work for some, monogamy may not work for others. The key is to stay in alignment with your own values and goals.
I know firsthand that navigating polyamorous relationships includes high highs and low lows. With that, leaning into reliable advice and support is crucial. Through the right resources and connections, you can find the support you need and help undo the feeling of aloneness that many polyamorous individuals face!
